Inadequate.
There are few words that cut deeper than this one. It cuts through to my inner self, exposes my insecurities and laughs at my pride.
I have wrestled with this feeling a lot lately. I have struggled with thoughts of condemnation, doubt, fear, anxiety and …. Inadequacy. There have been days where I get to the end of the day and feel completely and woefully ill equipped and, well, inadequate to be on the trajectory of life that I am on. It is NOT a good feeling.
The wonder of feeling woeful is that God shows up.
I was reminded very poignantly this weekend of a story I have heard a thousand times but I needed to hear again.
Jesus. He’s a huge hit. People come from all over to hear him speak but now there is a enormous crowd and they are hungry. So Jesus tells his disciple to go and see what they can do about that. They come back with a meager 5 loaves and 2 small fish. (Apparently, this group of people were NOT type A planners?! )
But this is what struck me and my inadequate-ness this time.
Jesus take WHAT THE DISCIPLES GAVE HIM. (Mark 6:41)
He blessed it.
And then HE GAVE IT BACK TO THEM.
THEY completed the miracle with the meager offering they gave. God used the little they offered and he totally got the credit for it.
So many of us are in the midst of HARD stuff.
Saying goodbye to fostered babies, seeing a husband belittled at work, midnight feedings, brain cancer, wayward children, moving continents… fill in your own stuff but it’s HARD.
Can we (can I?) trust that our meager offerings are going to become miracles? Our obedience, our trust, our faithfulness, our encouragement, our commitments when “THIS ISN’T MAKING ME HAPPY” anymore.
Suddenly that feeling of woeful inadequacy turns wonderful.
Because we realize are absolutely inadequate.
But He is absolutely able.
He is ready to take whatever we have, to bless it, and to give it back to us to use for his glory.
That alone is a wonder.
