Messed Up!

I am being messed up in the best possible way. My eyes are being opened, my head being pulled out of the sandpit it’s been stuck in and my heart is enlarging.

Almost a year ago we were handed a book called Live. Just. Ly.  This group study book is all about looking at justice, God’s heart for justice, the lack of justice in our world, and what we can do about it.  Now, the idea of justice and advocacy isn’t new to me but actually acting towards those ideas certainly are.  I mean I vote for people that promote ideas that align with mine.  That’s good enough right?

So then I started to read and all these books started to collide in concept and started a transforming work in me from which I hope I never return.

First book: Live. Just.Ly by the Micah Challenge.  This book is over my head but I love that it is. Being aware of the Fathers heart for justice and being challenged to advocate towards that end is a journey that I’m thrilled and terrified about. I have no idea where it’s going but being stretched towards this end is so good.

Second book: Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges.  This was a summer study done with some friends and we all agreed that we loved/hated this book.  It looks at the junk that we tolerate in our lives- like criticism, judgementalism, pride, anger, ungratefulness, impatience- and calls us out on them.  It has driven me to my knees literally and I’m so thankful for the perspective shift. It’s helped me as I sift through these lessons as I begin to see God and people differently.

Third book: Confessions of a Transformed Heart by Nancy Sheppherd.  This biography of a missionary to Liberia was so honest that I found myself relating to her easily and was thankful for the growing she went through to challenge my own.

Fourth: Not a book but a study I have been able to attend this summer.  An urban church plant of our church hosted a summer study on Gender, Poverty and Race.  I have really been digging into the scriptures about each of these topics. Poverty was the latest session which led me to read three other books: Warrior Princess (a bio about an HIV positive advocate from Zambia), 28 Stories of AIDS in Africa (a truly shocking book about the attitude, mindset and lives of 28 different people- 28, by the way, representing the 28 million people infected with HIV), and Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.  Just don’t. (Well, yes, do-read it)- but only if you want to be messed up too.  The sub-title of that book is called “How Jesus wrecked my comfortable Christianity”. Yes. That’s how I feel.

The question I have to myself is HOW is it that I have read the bible MY ENTIRE LIFE and yet somehow missed all of this chatter about justice and poverty? I am beginning to see I simply cannot read God’s word without seeing his heart being POURED out for the poor and ignored.  And how dare I say I love God if I am not about doing his work for those his heart bleeds for? My vote-on-election-days-but-I’ll keep-my-head-in-the-sand-and-read-over-words-like-justice-in-the-bible days are over. Done.

So here is a glimpse of how all these books have collided for me.

I read the Scriptures from my study about poverty-( and there are A LOT!) Obviously, God wants to get my eyes off of myself and look for these poor and ignored. Then I recall the chapter about selfishness and it’s subtleness in our lives (respectable sins) Oh God, please forgive that I have been missing seeing people the way you see them.  I’ve called his life “mine” when it simply isn’t. Forgive me. I also am reminded of a story from the missionary biography and when she was particularly struggling with the poverty around her.  Thank you, Lord for her insight.

In our summer study group we talked about the cycles of poverty, the forms of poverty and the reasons for poverty.

Are some people just lazy? Yes.

Are some people oppressed? Yes.

Are some people caught in this cycle of poverty going to completely take advantage of systems and other people (me)?  More than likely.

Am I called to care for the poor? Yes.

Am I the one allowed to choose WHICH poor I care for?

No.

Oh Lord, forgive me of my judgmentalism! 

Then I began reading these AIDS biographies! Reading their stories challenged my (dare I say it?) “they are just ignorant people” attitude (O God, forgive my arrogance, my pride and my judgemental attitude…respectable sins?) to suddenly their plight, their hopelessness, their lack of understanding becomes something I can care about.  And I haven’t cared. Ever. O God, forgive me, again, of my selfishness! (“Respectable sins”? I think not. )  This has not only given me a tiny glimpse of the horror of these countries, communities and families but it has moved it from being “their problem” to an advocacy issue for me.

 I have no idea what that means. 

However, I am grateful for growing and excited to see what God will do with my life as his pliable workman. Lord, keep me pliable!

Books that will mess you up too:

Respectable Sins- Jerry Bridges

Kisses from Katie- Katie Davis

Interrupted- Jennifer Hatmaker

Matthew 25 and Isaiah 58

Live.Just.Ly- Micah Challenge

28 Stories of AIDS in Africa

Confessions of a Transformed Heart- Nancy Sheppherd

Warrior Princess- Princess Zulu