As I began our own families advent activities this past week it occurred to me how our family has been living a season of "advent" for almost 2 years now. Advent really just means "an arrival of a notable person, thing or event." Since beginning the Advent for Africa in April of 2014 we have learned a few lessons on what it means to truly LIVE in anticipating of something greater.
1. Clutter.
Last Christmas (and this one too) when we've been asked "what do you want for Christmas?" our mind automatically goes to "well, is this portable, needed and can it be used in Zambia?" If not it really doesn't make the list. It is surprising how little we actually need.
Confession: I like to go shopping and I have more fun spending $10 at a thrift store than what is really normal. However, in light of our African Advent I've got to tell you- I'm a bit ruined. Shopping really has no pull for me when I consider the temporariness of my potential purchase. *sigh* Sorry, Target, but my affection for your clearance racks has left me empty-carted - and I am genuinely ok with that. Oh that I would become so ok with less and less on life's journey.
2. Yearning.
I cannot explain to you what my heart does when I hear music from Africa, see pictures of people on mission trip to Africa, hear Africans talk. My heart literally skips beats, my throat starts to close up and I am left with this feeling of desire. Then I tell myself- "GOOD GRIEF! You've only been there- briefly- ONE time almost 6 years ago." THIS is why I know this calling is not from me. This feeling of not being home while in the middle of completely normal American life is simply NOT normal.
And then I ask myself do I anticipate my heavenly home this much? Do I get choked up with such desire to "get home" or do I find myself thinking wow, so thankful to still be here? Oh! to be in such a state of Advent for heaven.
3. Uglinesss'
These past few months have been all sorts of ugly.
Parenting.is.hard.
Homeschooling.is.hard.
Marriage.is.hard.
Fundraising.is.hard.
There have been times during these months that I look around at the utter chaos in my midst and have felt entirely alone. There have been times when I look at my overextended husband and realize we haven't kissed each other today. There are MANY times when my dearly loved children are needing to be corrected for something that I realize- they've learned from my ugly example!
In his graciousness, God is allowing me to see a glimpse of my ugliness and his chisel is hard at work to change and transform. I'm just so glad I am not responsible for changing me. I've tried and failed so.many.times. So while considering this ugliness I see the grace in the anticipation. Anticipating that God WILL transform, anticipating that he is refining me to become that mom, wife, friend, neighbor that I so want to be but am utterly NOT without his strength. And Anticipating what strength I will need to rely on in Zambia so how very gracious of Him to allow me to get a taste for it now.
I once had a pastor friend coin the phrase "Live with Leaving in view". How can I more fully adopt that way of life today and tomorrow and beyond my chocolate calendar?
Even so come, Lord Jesus.
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