Sorry about the Princess Bride flashback - I couldn't resist!
I am whatchya might call an overzealous planner/fixer type of person. I am constantly looking at all angles of a scenario - seeing what is good and jumping on it and trying my best to foresee any bad and preventing it. It has it's good sides and it's negatives for sure but this past weekend was defiently a look at the good.
Brad and I have yearly "Marriage Maintence weekends". This is our fourth in our 6 years of marriage and it's been fun to see how every year they change and develop. The past 3 years we've gone to Maranatha Bible Conference and Retreat Center in Muskegon. It is just about as perfect a setting as it can be! We actually have an apartment complete with dining room table, kitchen and living room. (Altho I do find it ironic that we PAY to go somewhere that is "just like home" ;) No TV, no laundry, no KIDS. We have a great time relaxing, taking uninterrupted NAPS, and playing games but my favorite part of our time together feeds the soul of my overzealousness! We evaluate. (I can hear the oohs and ahhs now! ;)
There are hundreds of great "marriage helper" books out there but we found one that we really enjoy. It's called His Needs, Her Needs (by Willard Harley) and just because I can, I'm going to write a bit about it. (hey no one's MAKING you read this! tehee)
In his 30 some years of marriage counseling, the author says that he's found there to be 10 basic needs of every person. They are:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Sexual Fulfillment
4. Recreational Companionship
5. Honesty and Openness
6. An Attractive Spouse
7. Financial Support
8. Domestic Support
9. Family Commitment
10. Admiration
So the basic concept of this book is to 1. define your own top 5 needs (how you receive love) AND 2. find your spouses top 5 and learn HOW to meet them.
Brad and I do not READ this book over the weekend - we go thru the "worksheets" in the back that help you rank your needs from 1-10, then (the can-be-ouchy-part) you rate your satisfaction level of how well your spouse is meeting those needs. - Hence evaluation! =) This sounds pretty simple (and it is) but it also is a learning time- we call it preventative care. So anyway, that's the focus of our MM weekends. This eval time takes us about 4- 5 hours!!! We do break it up over the whole time we're there- but it is an awesome time to reconnect and get refocused on our marriage- or rather ...on
Wuv....Twue wuv... ;)
2 comments:
We do the SAME thing... although I think we forgot to do it last year. We like to "prepare" in advance and then we talk and evaluate that weekend. It's an incredible thing. I haven't read that book though... looks like I'll be heading to the library to check it out! :)
What a blessing it is and will be for your boys that you are striving to have a strong, committed marriage!
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